Abstinence: What I Will Tell My Daughter

What with Sarah Pallin's pregnant 17 year old daughter, the media has been full of commentary on the failure of abstinence education. It doesn't work, they say. It's impossible, they say. Umm...(timidly raising her hand in class) I have something I would like to share. I know. It's personal, but here's my experience. Maybe it might add something to the discussion.

I was an abstinence girl. And--most remarkably--my husband was an abstinence guy. It's the LDS (Mormon) expectation that one waits until they are married to have sex. Doesn't always happen. Physical attraction is powerful, I don't care who you are. But I'm grateful that I waited. And that doesn't mean that I didn't understand the mechanics of sex, or what a condom was, or where to get one, by the way. It also doesn't mean that I was sexually frustrated or that I am sexually inhibited as an adult or a plethora of other ridiculous accusations of the abstinence set. But it does mean a lot of other things.

I'm grateful I waited. And when I talk to my daughter, I'll tell her why. I'll tell her that not once in my life have I looked back and said, "Man! I really wish I would have given a part of myself to a bunch of guys that don't mean anything to me anymore." Nope. Not once.

I don't regret not sleeping with my high school boyfriend; like those waters needed to be any more muddy, right?

And I certainly don't regret not sleeping with the guy who broke up with me because I wouldn't sleep with him. I mean, if there is a sign of true love...putting my needs above his own, loving me mind, spirit, and body...yup. That's wasn't him.

I've never once regretted not having sex with the boy in college who ended up breaking up with me and telling me I was fat. (And that was with my clothes on!)

The guy who told me he broke up with his girlfriend, but in fact was dating me on the side--you guessed it. Not sorry I didn't give myself to him. He ended up making me feel badly enough about myself without taking my virginity.

And as to the many, many boys who wanted to date me, use me and still play the field...they didn't deserve me.

Then I met Mr. Wicke. And he proved himself. He was different from all the boys I had dated before. He thought I was fabulous. All of me, and he wasn't interested in settling for the body only. He wanted it all--my heart, mind, spirit and soul included. He was willing to sacrifice, to put off his immediate desires until I was ready to commit my entire being to him, and in the meantime he earned me: He was honest, true, kind, thoughtful, romantic, and gentlemanly. Oh, it was clear he wanted me. We did some truly great kissing, but we waited, together.

And then we were married, and that night when we were alone together, just the two of us? It really was just the two of us.

The thing is, when you meet the man you want to spend forever with, you won't want there to be anyone else, but the only way for that to happen is to wait for each other, without regrets.

That's what I'll tell my daughter.