Dear Man at the Movie Theater who Uses Waaaay too Much Cologne:

I smelled you before I turned the corner.  Really, I did.  I know I did because I thought to myself, "Who poured on the cologne tonight???"  When I can smell you before I see you...it is too much cologne.

Then, imagine my horror to find that you had plopped yourself in front of our seats while I was out getting popcorn.  I actually said, "Unbelievable!" under my breath.  When sitting behind you causes another soul to exclaim derogatorily...it is too much cologne.

I knew I was not alone when those people in front of you, who had sat down only moments before, found somewhere else to sit.  They too thought it was too much cologne.  If only there had been three adjoining seats left in the theater, I would have moved as well.  It's not you; it's your cologne.  That's how you know it's waaay too much.  But there are other hints:

When I feel I could not smell you any better if I had my nose pressed to the skin of your neck...it is too much cologne.

When I watch most of the movie with a napkin to my nose...it is too much cologne.

When, after nearly two hours, the smell has not yet disappaited...it is too much cologne.

When, everytime I need to get something out of my purse causing me to lean forward, I hold my breath...that is too much cologne!

When I leave the theater slightly nauseus, and it's not just all the popcorn I ate...that is too much cologne!

When I get home and actually smell myself to see if I picked up your scent, fully expecting I had...that is too much cologne.

I am sorry that I had not the courage or the lung capacity to tell this to you in person.  Someone needs to.  Is there a woman in your life that will tell you the truth?  I hope so, for all of Mesa and for the other region in which you probably live the rest of the year.  Heck, maybe for all of America.  Less is more, my brother!  I will never forget you...and I may never recover my sense of smell.

Regretfully yours,  (really, really regretfully)
Laurel