Owwie

If you are the kind of person who can't stand to hear someone complain, you might as well stop reading right now because I have a suspicion that there will be some complaining in this post. You see, the thing is, I hurt.

What started out as a strained muscle, or so I thought, has turned into what the orthopedist thinks might be a bulging disk and a pinched nerve. We won't know much until after the MRI and X-ray tomorrow. I just want an answer. No. What I really want is to feel better. Sometimes I hurt so bad that it makes me think long and hard on those people with chronic pain. With no end in sight, I can see why some would contemplate putting an end to themselves. I'm not saying I would, but I can understand turning those dark thoughts over every now and again. I pray I am never in such a condition. As it is I am having a difficult time controlling my temper. Pain makes me grouchy.

This has been going on for over a month now and just gets worse despite whatever efforts I've made to improve it. Stretching, massage therapy, chiropractics--nothing seems to help and sometimes I wonder if I'm merely aggravating it. Rest would probably be best, but how am I supposed to care for a baby without a lot of lifting? I saw a documentary once about a mother with no arms. She used her feet to do everything, but I bet that would take a lot of practice. I probably shouldn't try it with the baby right away.

To add insult to injury, I'm not sleeping well. For the last couple of weeks I have awakened every morning somewhere between 3:30 and 5:00 am with such tremendous pain that I've had to run for my meds. Then I've iced my neck and shoulder, waiting the half hour until they kick in. I'm not too proud to admit that on at least three occasions I have been reduced to tears during this period. I don't enjoy it. Mr. Wicke doesn't either, I am sure.

And don't get me started on the kiddos. They don't have a bit of empathy, but who can blame them? I sound like a worn out record. At the beginning of the pregnancy they heard, "Mommy doesn't feel well." Then during the last few months of the pregnancy it was "Mommy doesn't feel well." And then when I came home from the hospital "Mommy didn't feel well again." Then for the next few weeks mommy was just "so tired." And now this? I don't even think they remember when their mommy was fun and vibrant. Shoot. I don't remember the last time I felt vibrant.

See? I told you there would be some complaining. You're lucky it hurts to sit for very long.