Waiting

Okay, I know I said Wednesday, and now it is Friday, but have you ever had to just recover? That's what I've been doing. And I don't feel so good, my friends. Better today, but--well I will spare you the details, (See? I can practice self-restraint sometimes.) but suffice it to say that it's taking a while for things to return to normal. So we wait.

By next Friday I should know whether or not I am pregnant. Until then I try not to think about it much. I'm trying to be Switzerland and totally neutral on the topic. Like this: If it happens, great. If it doesn't, fine. We'll try a couple more times, and if it doesn't happen then we know we're done. Move on! Next stage of life, here we come.

That is a really good philosophy.

We will see if reality will play out accordingly. I hope I can be that healthy. It's hard to know how I'll feel.

Infertility is full of a lot of great lessons, the premiere of which is that control is not an option. The next is that we should make plans but then play the cards we're dealt. And finally we've learned that the end may turn out to be different than we expected but can still be just as happy.

So, we wait...and we wonder. The future is a glass through which we see darkly. We wait...and we trust.