There is a dirty word that, until now, I have been unfamiliar with. Sadly, my innocence has been shattered. I am now all too familiar with...
...INSOMNIA
There it is in all its nastiness. It even looks ugly, doesn't it? Like a word you want to cross the street to avoid?
These last few weeks, for some inexplicable reason--or perhaps not too inexplicable as my bladder has shrunk to the size of a walnut--I have been finding myself wide awake in the middle of the night. I toss and turn and try to sleep but to no avail. The minutes on the clock turn to hours, and the panic rises knowing how useless I will be in the morning.
So now I have given up lying there counting sheep. Generally I will wander downstairs to the kitchen with a book and pour myself a tall, cold glass of milk to enjoy with a side of toast and homemade strawberry jam, all of which I find terribly comforting, and I'll read myself back to sleep.
It doesn't sound all that bad, and I suppose it wouldn't be if I could sleep the day away, but I have a daytime life that does not gel with these nocturnal activities. My body generally insists on a solid eight hour deep sleep. The kind of sleep that has taught my two children to wake their father in the middle of the night, as he is much more responsive. The kind of sleep that feels more like a coma than a nap. The kind of sleep where even dreams don't interfere.
I used to sleep like that, and I could do it almost on cue. When I put my mind to it, I could be asleep in two minutes--pretty much anywhere.
Oh, I miss that girl. I miss her so badly that even homemade strawberry jam can't silence the ache for her. I hope she comes back. Someday. And I hope she brings her regular-sized ankles with her.
These last few weeks, for some inexplicable reason--or perhaps not too inexplicable as my bladder has shrunk to the size of a walnut--I have been finding myself wide awake in the middle of the night. I toss and turn and try to sleep but to no avail. The minutes on the clock turn to hours, and the panic rises knowing how useless I will be in the morning.
So now I have given up lying there counting sheep. Generally I will wander downstairs to the kitchen with a book and pour myself a tall, cold glass of milk to enjoy with a side of toast and homemade strawberry jam, all of which I find terribly comforting, and I'll read myself back to sleep.
It doesn't sound all that bad, and I suppose it wouldn't be if I could sleep the day away, but I have a daytime life that does not gel with these nocturnal activities. My body generally insists on a solid eight hour deep sleep. The kind of sleep that has taught my two children to wake their father in the middle of the night, as he is much more responsive. The kind of sleep that feels more like a coma than a nap. The kind of sleep where even dreams don't interfere.
I used to sleep like that, and I could do it almost on cue. When I put my mind to it, I could be asleep in two minutes--pretty much anywhere.
Oh, I miss that girl. I miss her so badly that even homemade strawberry jam can't silence the ache for her. I hope she comes back. Someday. And I hope she brings her regular-sized ankles with her.
11 comments:
I've always said that the insomnia that comes with pregnancy is just preparation for being up all night with a newborn.
Now go take a nap!!!
Oh, I hope you get a nap today;) But that always seems to make the nights worse for me. So, maybe don't take a nap, and do things to keep you busy, and take a nice relaxing bath tonight (it works for babies;)and you will fall fast asleep tonight.
Honestly, I have know idea what I'm talking about. With my pregnancies, I got up in the night and played solitaire on the computer, and slept all day. So please don't take any advice from me. Do know I'm thinking about you, and you will get some sleep sometime;)
Sadly you may not see that girl for another few months--if your lucky. My youngest is 15 months now and still not sleeping through the night and we're about to welcome our 2nd baby in a few days. I said my goodbyes to sleep a long time ago, not that I wanted to--but because it seemed easier to say goodbye than to pretend we might retain some sort of relationship, sleep and I. So bring on the all nighters (and probably early wrinkles)I wouldn't even recognize the old, well rested me anymore.
Ooh, I'm so glad I haven't been hit with that one yet. Knocking on wood. At least ou kids both are gone for a few hours so you can hopefully nap, right?
I agree that it's preparing you for being up all night with a baby! Even the stress of adoption kept me up...I guess it's just how you become prepared for those long nights...
Hhope you get some good sleep soon!
Say, bye-bye sleep. It wasn't until after Kirby was almost a year that my sleep went back to that coma-like state. I love the coma-like state. I hope you get some rest soon. The experts say that what you are doing - getting up and doing something relaxing - is the best thing.
Sher said it. The best is yet to come. Nap with the kids and just be good to yourself and yes the ankles come back, eventually.
"And I hope she brings her regular-sized ankles with her." bwahahahaha! I feel your pain -- it's been happening to me a lot lately too. I've noticed that mine is tied to the full moon -- maybe yours will be too?
Yes, I remember it well now. People would always tell me that it was my body (or God's) way of preparing me for sleepless nights with baby. I say that is JUST a shame! I mean, wouldn't extra sleep be a better preparation for that!? I tell ya, if I don't get pregnant soon, I may lose the nerve to do this all over again.
I had insomnia REALLY bad with Moxie. She started sleeping through the night at 6weeks. Maybe baby Wicke will do the same??!
Aren't the informercials that are on just silly and ridiculous? Who really buys that stuff?
Laurel, I seriously love your blog. "I hope she brings her regular sized ankles with her". I haven't seen you in forever but I feel like I am experiencing this pregnancy with you. I love reading about you eating 12 mini candy bars (been there, done that), being frustrated over shoes that don't fit (yeah me too), and sleepless nights. Ugh. No fun, but it will all pale in comparison when you hold that tiny miracle in your arms the first time. You're almost there!
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