If You Can't Join 'Em, Laugh at 'Em

So the other day, I was perusing the blogosphere (what else do you do when you're aimless?) Anywhoo, I came across a blog of someone who in all likelihood is a gorgeous woman. Probably the kind of woman I dream of being, but never will be unless God on the other side is interested in performing limb-lengthening miracles. She's probably all tall and willowy. (I love that word. In the short world we have no word to equal willowy.) She's probably a girl with long, sinewy, arms and legs, and I won't even mention her flat stomache and perky tea-cup sized breasts. It's too depressing.

This is all conjecture of course, but I assume as much because in one post she listed her favorite snacks. Ready? This is copied verbatim. Here it goes:

"A cup of tea with milk, frozen grapes, honey ice cream, olives, raw almonds, carrots, salt and pepper potato chips, half an avocado with balsamic vinegar, dark chocolate, cheeze-its, radishes with salt, blue cheese"

See what I mean? I am telling you, only a super skinny person would list these foods as snacks! Snacks are supposed to be the things we shouldn't eat so we sneak them between meals. C'mon! A radish?! A radish is no snack!

Or how about this: "Man, I am so depressed over that break-up. I know. I'll rent a bunch of chick flicks and eat a giant bowl of frozen grapes." Where is the comfort food, people?

Look, I don't mean to make fun of super health-conscious, skinny people--well, maybe just a little. It's just that I'll never understand them. In theory I'd like to be like them, but in real life I say, "Pass the chips and salsa, hand me some chocolate chip cookies, and let's have some fun!"

Aimless

I don't do well when I can't foresee the immediate future. There was that period of time after graduating from college and none of our post-college plans had worked. Suddenly we were bereft of a plan, just floating on "now what?" I had my degree, but had not applied for a teaching job because we hadn't known where or when we would be moving. Our expectations for grad school hadn't panned out, however, and I had taken my old waitressing job while Thomas worked for my dad. Other than that, I spent a lot of time on the couch. It was a humbling time.

I remember my mom saying one day, "What is wrong with you?" and rightly so. I was not myself.

Now, I may not have had enough energy to get my hiney off the couch, but I mustered enough for sarcasm. "Gee? I don't know...You think I might be just a titch depressed? Maybe? I mean what could possibly be wrong when we are living with my parents, and I'm working the same job I had in HIGH SCHOOL? Wow. I really don't know what could be the trouble."

Ever heard of kicking the dog? Anyway, that period of our lives was short-lived. In a couple of months we had found our way again, but I've never forgotten how I felt. I think it was the first time in my life when I didn't have a plan. I'm a fairly driven person, and I like to know where I'm headed; I like having a vision for my life. No. I need a vision for my life.

Right now I don't have one, and to tell you the truth, I'm having a hard time getting off the couch this week. Any minute now, Mr. Wicke is going to look at me and say, "What is wrong with you?" I just know it. But I need a plan. I need to know which way the wind is blowing and then I can man the rudder and set the sails. Until then I'm pretty aimless.

And for the record, I still don't like how that feels.

Book Review

A few months ago I began reading Little House in the Big Woods to Logan and rediscovered the joy of the Little House series all over again. Probably the best gift this little book has to offer is that of perspective. How blessed but complicated our lives seem now. How very different and yet the same. I loved sharing a slice of history with my child who has no concept of life before dvr's, minivans, and microwaves. That a child could be happy with a corncob doll was a unique thought, and one I remind her of often when ingratitude creeps in around here.

We just finished Little House on the Prarie, and it moved a bit more slowly than Little House in the Big Woods, but I was still fascinated, and so was Logan. I can hardly imagine a life so primitive. Some say Pa was crazy for moving his family away from the Big Woods where they had a solid footing, but the settler's spirit is responsible for the growth and development of our country and is still the heart of the American way. Who doesn't look to better the situation of their family even when it means stepping into the unknown? Mrs. Wilder's detailed descriptions of the hard work and difficulties fill me with awe and respect. It was such a different world in so many ways, but still I can relate to the deep family love and commitment that shines through on every page.

On Goodreads.com I read some reviews of this book that rubbed me the wrong way. Parts of the book deal with some run-ins with the Native American Tribes in the area. As one can imagine, as white settlers, the Ingall's family's point of view was not up to par with today's politically correct atmosphere, for which some people knocked the book.

I will admit that it was a bit of a challenge to explain the nuances of the conflict to a six year old. Sometimes it was disturbing, but we can and should be disturbed by history. It can at times seem unfair, ugly, and even wrong; however, ignoring it or rewriting it to suit our current cultural standard is ignorant. The truth is, during this period of history there are no easy answers regarding settlers and Indians. (Yes, that is what they were called back then.) There was fear, distrust, and wrong-doings on both sides. Her description is historically accurate, however uncomfortable that may be. It is how she really saw it.

I do not think we would do our children any service by sugar-coating history as some reviewers seemed to argue. It is by struggling with the injustices of the past that we invaluably inform our judgements and actions regarding the complex questions of today. Please let us not rob our children of the hard truth. Let us give them knowledge and experience and arm them to do better and be better today.

I think this series should be on every mother's reading list.

Good TV for the Land of the Free

I very well may be one of the last people on the continent to see this amazing series, but I have to give a shout out anyway! If you have not yet seen it, you simply must. This is one that HBO got right. It is so well done! From the script, to the casting, to the direction, and most appealingly, the acting, there just isn't a bad moment. Paul Giamatti is fantastic, and Laura Linney as Abigail Adams absolutely shines.

It's a seven part-er, but I tell you, once you begin you won't be able to stop, so just go ahead and rent all three discs at once. Or better yet, just buy the whole doggone thing because it's a keeper. It has had me talking with anyone who's seen it.

Our founding fathers were complex people. They were genius, inspired, and visionary but at the same time humanly flawed; thanks to David McCullaugh's well researched and amazingly written book, we see it all in this series. We see personality conflicts, personal failures, and yet, most importantly, as Mr. McCullough explains, "how character manifests itself during crisis."

Believe me, I have come away from it bettered in my appreciation and understanding of our nation's birth, and maybe, most hopefully, I'll be a better American because of it.

As Mr. McCullogh said:

"History shows us how to behave. History teaches, reinforces what we believe in, what we stand for, and what we ought to be willing to stand up for. History is-or should be-the bedrock of patriotism, not the chest-pounding kind of patriotism but the real thing, love of country.

At their core, the lessons of history are largely lessons in appreciation. Everything we have, all our great institutions, hospitals, universities, libraries, this city, our laws, our music, art, poetry, our freedoms, everything is because somebody went before us and did the hard work, provided the creative energy, provided the money, provided the belief. Do we disregard that?

Indifference to history isn't just ignorant, it's rude. It's a form of ingratitude.

I'm convinced that history encourages, as nothing else does, a sense of proportion about life, gives us a sense of the relative scale of our own brief time on earth and how valuable that is.

What history teaches it teaches mainly by example. It inspires courage and tolerance. It encourages a sense of humor. It is an aid to navigation in perilous times. We are living now in an era of momentous change, of huge transitions in all aspects of life-here, nationwide, worldwide-and this creates great pressures and tensions. But history shows that times of change are the times when we are most likely to learn. This nation was founded on change. We should embrace the possibilities in these exciting times and hold to a steady course, because we have a sense of navigation, a sense of what we've been through in times past and who we are."

--An excerpt from David McCullough's 1995 acceptance speech for the DISTINGUISHED CONTRIBUTION TO AMERICAN LETTERS AWARD.

For his entire speech go here.

Waiting

Okay, I know I said Wednesday, and now it is Friday, but have you ever had to just recover? That's what I've been doing. And I don't feel so good, my friends. Better today, but--well I will spare you the details, (See? I can practice self-restraint sometimes.) but suffice it to say that it's taking a while for things to return to normal. So we wait.

By next Friday I should know whether or not I am pregnant. Until then I try not to think about it much. I'm trying to be Switzerland and totally neutral on the topic. Like this: If it happens, great. If it doesn't, fine. We'll try a couple more times, and if it doesn't happen then we know we're done. Move on! Next stage of life, here we come.

That is a really good philosophy.

We will see if reality will play out accordingly. I hope I can be that healthy. It's hard to know how I'll feel.

Infertility is full of a lot of great lessons, the premiere of which is that control is not an option. The next is that we should make plans but then play the cards we're dealt. And finally we've learned that the end may turn out to be different than we expected but can still be just as happy.

So, we wait...and we wonder. The future is a glass through which we see darkly. We wait...and we trust.

Extended Hiatus

Some friends, quite happily, were able to extend their stay by a couple of days, so I won't be back officially until Wednesday. There is much to tell, like how I was artificially inseminated on Friday, right in the middle of all the company. Here's all I'll say about it: God's way of making babies is ever so much more enjoyable! Ouch! Plus I've been bloated and cramping since. Science may be amazing, but it sure isn't a lot of fun!

Off Until Monday

Hey, folks. I have friends coming into town today who will be recieving my full attention, so I will be taking a blogging break until Monday.

When I come back I promise pictures of the green room and other recent projects. Have a great week!