Spring: Officially Broken In (part 2)

I had a feeling it was going to be bad when the older children went home early with their friends leaving me with five children under eight in my vehicle. I suspected it could be a very long three hours, but as I told the other moms the night before, "It's probably going to be fine. You know how you visualize the worst case scenario? That's probably what I'm doing, and in reality it's going to be fine."

It was worse than the worse case scenario.

Just getting out of town took 45 minutes. First we had to haul the garbage out as there is no garbage service at the cabin, which is really no problem except that one of the bags flew off the roof of my car. The good and bad of caravaning is that someone was behind me to retrieve it. Good for me, bad for them.

Next was a stop for gas. While filling up the cars, Erin informed us that her tire pressure light was on. Luckily I always carry a tire gauge (in the glove compartment, not my pocket), and after a quick inspection found that two of her tires were indeed slightly low. "Just pull over to the air station, and I'll put some air in for you if you want," I offered. I pulled in and parked, turning in my seat to field yet another request from the back seats.  When I, at last, turned back, wondering what was taking so long, I saw what I hoped I wasn't seeing...but, sure enough, Erin had backed into a little white car that had pulled behind her to fill a propane tank.  Luckily, his car was not damaged, but Erin's bumper had taken quite a little hit on the corner. There was a good five minutes when I think Erin temporily lost her mind: "I hate this car! I didn't want this car in the first place! Ethan is going to kill me! I have the worst luck in the world! My house flooded! Aaaaaaarrrrgh!"  (Jen and I refrained from mentioning that the house flooded 5 years ago.)  While Erin blew off steam, I stood mutely by while Jen thanked the gentleman for his kindness and understanding. When Erin had recovered herself--which she did in an admirably short time--she said, "Oh, forget the air! Let's just get home!" Unfortunately, it was going to take us a while.

We pulled into traffic and set our course.  By this time, as we had driven a total of 15 minutes, a child in the head vehicle was already carsick, of course. We pulled into CVS for a little Dramamine. Looking back on it, we should have insisted ALL the children take it, but we were under the scenario that the worst had already happened. Oh, little did we know.

Finally, forty-five minutes after beginning and 5 miles later, we hit the open road.  Fifteen minutes after that we were pulling over again.  Erin stepped out of her vehicle and I rolled down my window.  "Griffin says he's feeling really carsick and wants to ride with you."  She had graciously offered to take him in her car to help relieve me and had bribed him with video games, which is like crack to Griffin.  If he wasn't interested in a DS, I knew he was really not feeling well.

As he stepped into the van, he was ashen.  "Hey, buddy.  Are you alright?"

"I don't feel good."

"Okay, I want you to watch the road for a while.  Let's put this vent right on you and take some deep breaths okay?"  Looking around I spotted the Costco licorice tub.  I emptied out the last few pieces and handed it to him.  "If you throw up, do it in this, alright?"  He nodded, and we pulled back onto the highway.

Already tired of his car seat, my baby started to bellow. "Hey, guys. Guys! Guys!!!" One look in the rearview mirror confirmed that the children had fallen into a TV trance. They were glassy-eyed. Their mouths were hanging open. They were oblivious to the screams of a baby. "Logan!!  Logan!!!"

"What?!"

"Where's the baby's bottle?" I said trying to sound more gentle than I felt.

"I don't know."  She hadn't taken her eyes off the TV.

"Well, look."

"Here it is," she sighed.

"Could you give it to him?"

It quieted him for a moment. Only a moment.  The children have an uncanny ability to block out his wailing.  I do not.

"Logan."

"What?! Jeesh!"

"Honey. I'm sorry, but you are going to have to help me. I have to drive. Here," I said handing back a baggie of Cheerios, "give these to the baby--one at a time, please."

"Why do I have to do everything?" she muttered under her breath.

There was a whole string of things I was tempted to mutter under mine.

The baby was not going to be appeased.  The screaming continued.  The only thing left to do was to check his diaper, although I had just changed him before we left.  "Logan.  Logan!!"  She tore her eyes from the screen momentarily.  "Is the baby stinky?"

Her eyes drifted upward again, and leaning only marginally to the left she made a face. "Yeah."

"Great."  I muttered.  I phoned Jen in the car ahead.  "Hey, sorry, but I think I've got to pull over and change a diaper."

"There's a town coming up in about a half hour.  Do you want to wait 'til then, or--"

"No.  He's really screaming.  I'm afraid if he's poopy he might be getting a rash."  I needed a second opinion.  "Just a minute, Jen.  Hey, Griff!  Griffin!!"  Then back to Jen I complained, "I swear!  Nobody is listening to me."  I moved the mouthpiece away from my lips.  "Hey, Griffin!"  He finally stirred.  "Is the baby stinky?"

He, too, did not make eye contact.  Leaning slightly to the left, he muttered, "No."

"Oh, boy.  I don't know what's going on, Jen.  Just a minute."  I was getting irritated now.  Yelling over the baby I said,  "Hey!  You guys!  Look at me for two seconds!  I need to know if the baby is poopy."

No answer.  No movement.  To hear Jen tell it, this is possibly where I lost my mind.

"Somebody put your head down there and smell the baby's crotch!  Smell the baby's crotch!!!"

They never did come to a consensus, and when we pulled over and I unstrapped the baby and tugged him out of his seat, no poop.  None whatsoever.  If my children read this as adults, they may want to consider writing Jen a thank you note for her sense of humor.  It may have saved their lives.  So as not to waste yet another stop, we made everybody use the outhouse at the rest stop.  We were determined that we would cover more than 20 miles before we stopped again.

(to be continued...)