Griffin has taken to talking dirty. In his four year old world there is nothing funnier than the words "poop" and "pee." Once, to my utter horror, he even sunk to talking about his "wee wee." But folks, I run a clean establishment here, so that battle is on! "Griffin! We do not talk like that!"
I can see he is not taking me seriously. It's just that mischievous look in his eye and that knowing smirk that gives him away despite all the head nodding that is going on.
"I mean it. I do not want to hear that word again. We do not talk bathroom talk or about our private parts to be funny. That is not appropriate. Do you understand?"
The head is still nodding, well, bobbing and weaving is a better description; the eyes are lolling about in his head lighting on everything in the room except me, and if that weren't bad enough his mouth is opening and shutting in a fish like manner.
"I'm not kidding around."
The first time this speech was delivered it was accompanied by a time out. The second time involved a talk with Daddy. The third time it ended like this:
"...Do you understand? I'm not kidding around. The next time I hear a word like that come out of your mouth you will get your mouth washed out with soap. Are you hearing me? You will get soap. in. your mouth. if you say one of those words again."
When I heard the word again later that afternoon we were at our friends' house on New Year's Day. "Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin pooped on your head."
His obvious musical genius couldn't save him from the wrath of Mama. Before the music had time to finish reverberating I had scooped him up and was headed to the bathroom. Daddy wasn't too far behind.
"Griffin, I told you the next time you said a potty word you were going to get soap in your mouth." Despite his squealing and struggling, I squeezed a little drop of Softsoap on my finger and forced it past his lips. The crying turned to coughing and spitting.
Then just as Daddy and I were getting ready to wax eloquent on the value of appropriate language, it happened.
The gag.
And you and I both could guess what was coming next. I grabbed him and he vomited in the sink. Over his retching head, Mr. Wicke and I locked eyes. Unbelievable!
That's right: He had just trumped our ace. You can't beat vomiting, even with righteous indignation.
In the final analysis, that battle may be awarded to Griffin. I don't hesitate to admit that I am up against a formidable and worthy opponent, one who is capable of incredible "strategery," but I don't buckle that easily, folks. I am determined to win the war.
11 comments:
Oh, this is a battle I fight every day. EVERY DAY! Poop, pee, butt, are favorite words amongst the five year old males in our house. Lately Bubba has taken to calling out, "Mommie, what do you think about this?" and I turn around to be greeted by his nekkid hiney.
I let him get away with a certain amount of stuff, but I've told him that if he shows his butt in public, somebody will call the police on him and he'll get arrested. I think it put the fear of God in him! Whatever works!
When you get the cure figured out, let me know! And when you do figure this battle out, you just may win the Noble Peace Prize. I swear, the potty mouth garbage is a real epidemic!!!
Good luck! I'm rooting for you. And YOU WILL WIN! Mommies have to! It's a rule.
did you just write that story about Griffin or Mason?? Only his word is STUPID (thanks to the Charlie Brown Christmas show) he says this 1000 times a day. We skipped soap and went to the vingar. Same thing, gagging and all that, but no throw up! thank goodness!!! But now he just says "Stupid...mom I dont want benegar" ahhhh...if you find a answer to stop all this LET ME KNOW!!!
Ooh, I can see now that I'm a very bad mommy. Not only do I not bat an eye at the words "poop" and "pee" but I actually encourage London to say those words.
You see, when we are in the car and Kirby is crying, it seems that the only thing that will get him laughing is London shouting "bathroom talk". I don't care though. Whatever gets the boy to calm down and stop crying!
I guess I'll be revisiting my loose stance on this once London goes to kindergarten though and I get that very first phone call from her teacher.
We are so on the same wave length. James just told us about "boobs", yeah, she learned that one from her cousin Rylie. And I love made up words like strategery and ginormous.
hmmmm...been there done that...so we have moved on to bigger and badder words (as well as replacing soap with tabasco sauce)
My parents used to make us go and "talk to the toilet" when we were little if we used potty talk. This involved spending 15 minutes or so actively talking to the toilet (not with potty talk of course)...if we stopped talking the time started over. It was actually pretty effective...I can remember sobbing and trying to make one sided conversation in the bathroom...not easy!!
It must be the age! I've got two 4 yr olds that think it's hilarious!
I try to ignore most of it..and it seems to work...they just die laughing together over anything stinky!
What to do...
But as meredith mentioned the word stupid I don't put up with..and they know it...so when it occasionally slips out of their mouths they are quick to say...SORRY MOM..I said stupid!
Good luck over there!
I am not sure if I should laugh or cry since potty words are sure to come out of Liam's mouth one of these days with me following close behind with soap. I guess it is just so "laughable" when it's not your kid.
I am laughing SOOOOOO hard!!! It's ok to play mini-golf with poop in the pants, but not ok to say it? Don't worry, I'm with you all the way.
My kids are nazi's of the language now and I'm the one who gets in trouble all the time. "Mom, you said 'hate'. Mom, you said 'stupid'. Mom, you said, 'dumb'."
I've created monsters. Heaven help them if they ever hear a real swear word.
welcome to motherhood with boys! I used to cringe when I heard poop, pee, I am going to cut off your head...and great things like so- now I don't even notice it.. It is just part of my life.
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