Wednesday, November 19, 2008

What Are We Telling Our Girls?

Yesterday I read this article on msnbc. I know I'm supposed to find the results shocking. Sadly, I really do not. But I am shocked at the disconnect I see in the adult "professional" perspective on it. Can you see what I mean in the following excerpt?

By Laura T. Coffey
TODAYShow.com contributor
updated 7:04 a.m. MT, Fri., Nov. 14, 2008

On “The Tyra Banks Show” airing Friday, eight girls ranging in age from 14 to 17 discuss the survey findings and share their own personal experiences. Seven of the eight say they are sexually active; of those seven, just one says she uses protection when having sex.

“A lot of the guys, if I didn’t have unprotected sex with them, they would get mad at me and I still wanted that closeness with them,” one girl says during the show. “I was afraid if I didn’t do what they wanted, they wouldn’t be my friend.”
The same girl talks about how she tested positive for chlamydia twice and also contracted genital herpes.

“I’m ashamed that I have it, but it’s something I want other people to be aware of,” she says.

Another girl, a 17-year-old mother of a 7-month-old boy, says she lost her virginity on a school lunch break and deliberately planned her pregnancy by monitoring her menstrual cycle.

“I had helped teach a sex-ed class to a class of freshmen my sophomore year,” she explains. “We taught how … there’s a week [in] the month you are more likely to get pregnant than any other time of the month. I had calculated that out and I decided on two days I was most likely to get pregnant.”

Girls on the show also talk about experimenting with the drugs salvia and Ecstasy and getting into violent fights with other girls.

‘Adolescents need help’
Dr. Elizabeth Schroeder, executive director of Answer, a teen sex education program based at Rutgers University, said the survey results sound plausible and are consistent with other research on teen sexuality.

“This so clearly points to the need for comprehensive sexual education for kids,” Schroeder said. “An adolescent … is supposed to be making poor decisions. Developmentally this is the way they’re supposed to be behaving. They need help ....

“Parents need help talking with their kids about sexuality, and schools need to be talking to kids about sexuality.”


Not surprisingly the only solution, at least as Dr. Schroder sees it, seems to be more sexual education, but wasn't it clear that at least one of these girls not only participated in but taught a course on sex? Am I the only one that gleaned that little nugget from the article?

Now, I am not against educating our kids about sexuality. Let's get that straight right now. However, from where I stand, that is not the solution to the obvious underlying problem. These girls knew about condoms. They knew about menstrual cycles. They had all the pertinent information about sex. What they seem to lack is a sense of self and a sense of moral propriety.

But it is no wonder. Those are not qualities that our society teaches. No, we would rather throw condoms at them.

The truth is much harder to parse out. First we would have to admit that our society has taken some wrong turns that has "left the balance of power markedly tilted against girls," to quote Wendy Shalit, the author of one of my favorite books, A Return to Modesty.

Isn't it amazing, in this liberated age, that a young girl, thoroughly socialized by the feminist movement, would agree to unprotected sex that she didn't want just because the boy would "get mad and me...and wouldn't be my friend?" Shouldn't the women's movement have made girls more powerful than that?

Maybe it would have if it had not only ignored the vital differences between the sexes but emphatically denied that they exist...

(Now, since I do not have time to solve all of our social maladies today--laundry does call--I will have to post more on this topic tomorrow. Until then...Let's dicuss, shall we?)

9 comments:

Heather said...

I think no one wants to take responsibility for the root of the problem. If parents aren't teaching self respect at home and moral values, who else is going to? Teachers at school are trying to teach academics. Some girls might be lucky enough to have other adults in their lives who are bold enough to speak out about it. I think as a society we have sold out, letting mass media marketing define our norms.

Kyle said...

I wish this article was more shocking! Our world is scary...I can't believe our kids will have to grow up with this...I am not ready for teenagers!

Aubrey said...

Well, for one thing, I hope your ward has you teaching the Young Women. It's sad what the world is turning into, with the media telling us pre-marital sex is okay and that marriage isn't important. I'm really glad I live in Utah where we're still in kind of a bubble.

And, I used to like Tyra Banks, but now I wonder if she supports girls like these, along with transvesdites and homosexuals. Parents need to take more resposibility and teach their children to be accountable for what they do, and to realize that what they see on TV and what celebrities--supposed role models--support isn't always right.

Rochelleht said...

Oh, so good. I was as YW tonight and even among our girls at church, I was shocked at how 'worldly' they are. They are so aware of tv and media. One girl had a Seventeen magazine with her. My mom made me stop taking that magazine 20 years ago because of an article about mas-----tion. I can't imagine how awful it is now. The messages being bombarded to the youth of this world are full of lies. I just feel SO strongly that I have such a responsibility to teach my girls a different way. I'm certainly trying.

Erin said...

I was shocked when my kindergartener came home saying the word "sexy" and singing "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me"! It was such an eye opener to me about how things have changed. With talking to my sisters about growing up, I don't think the world has changed that dramatically in the last 20 years. It has been gradual and it has creeped up on society as a whole, now people can say they are shocked, when it has been progressing all along. My 5 year old is learning to stand up for her values, or mine, at this point. It just scares me that she has to learn it so young!

Jen said...

Laurel--this is totally OFF topic but I am arranging a business trip for my boss and 12 other people to Phoenix and wondered if you could recommend a good, reasonable restaurant there? I tried to find a private e-mail but couldn't so I'm sorry to hog your comment space. YOu can e-mail me directly at vestrands@comcast.net if you have a good recommendation. Thanks!

Jen said...

On another note: we have two teenage daughters 16 and 13, and for the most part, they are delightful. It takes work and principled foresight but it can be done. They aren't perfect and they aren't always even likable but we DO enjoy them and haven't dreaded or hated the teenage years. Hang in there--all you young moms. Do what you KNOW is right--whether they like you or not--and remember you are their MOMS, not their best friends--and they need you to be just that!

Megan B said...

As has been said, it all starts at home. Schools can not be responsible for teaching our children moral values and principles. How could they when they can't even sing Christmas songs???? We can not rely on society to teach our kids anything but the negative and the best defense is what we have been taught and to have a LOT of faith. I believe in being incredibly open between my girls and ESPECIALLY having my HUSBAND involved in ALL of our sex talks and conversations. They NEED great relationships with their dads and other awesome men. One of the many reasons I am so grateful for Mr. Wicke and others like him.

Karen Nihipali Wicke said...

Wow...wow...wow...the funny thing is, is that this doesn't shock me either. I did get it that a girl at age 17 is helping teach a class on sex education. They don't need to be educated anymore, as mentioned, they know when their cycles are, one girl even monitored it to the exact date, we need to teach our Young Women about how precious they are and that BOYS are not the answer to everything. I know that our youth and kids in these later days are strong and healthy and when taught correct and eternal principals, they will be able to fight trials of these last days!