Yesterday, on the ride home from school, my sweet Logan said that a girl in her class (who shall remain nameless...okay it was Taylor) told her that her "hair was gross." This irritated me on a number of levels.
One, I am Logan's personal hairdresser, so I take all hair related comments quite personally. Two, her hair was NOT gross. I stand by my work. Three, my daughter already dislikes her gorgeous curly hair and complains every day that she wants straight hair like her friend Emily, so I do not need a heartless 6-year old adding to her already somewhat distorted self-image. And four, bratty kids bug a mamma bear, let's be honest.
So I asked all the pertinent questions...
Me: Why did she say that?
Logan: I don't know.
Me: Had you done something to her?
Logan: No. She's always mean to me.
Me: Well, what did you say?
Logan: Nothing. I just ignored her.
Then I gave her a little advice...
Me: You know what you should have said? You should have said, "Yeah? Well I think your personality is gross, and I can always cut my hair."
That last part made my friend Shilo gasp, "Laurel!?" but I don't think arming my children with some verbal defense tactics is such a bad thing. I'm not for drawing first blood, but I firmly believe in teaching kids how to put bullies in their place. Is that so wrong, people?
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
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17 comments:
Well my MIL always told her boys that it was okay to fight a bully because if you don't they'll never stop trying to pick a fight. I honestly think that sometimes ignoring hurtful remarks is not enough. I think it is okay to stand up for yourself.
P.S. This is a great Hot Topic
Nothing wrong with that! I wish my parents had armed me properly. Sometimes I look back to say, Junior High, and I still think of things I wish I had said.
You go girl! I think kids need to stand up for themselves...
What a great comeback - I never have a good one till late in the night and then I wish I had said blah, blah, blah. So way to go and I agree - do not get Momma Bear going. It is sad that we have to deal with bully's so early in life. I think it was about the 5th grade that it was an issue and now it is from day one......good luck!
I think I also did a little gasp... because I was the child who would have retorted with that without my mothers help and gotten into more trouble. My parents were always asking, "what did you do, why did that happen?" Because of that I always tend to tell my children to ignore them but this was a good message for me today. My kids are not me. I think it is important to get the facts and then give some guidance.
Okay...I didn't gasp I laughed at the retort...too funny! I am going to remember that! I will definetly tell my kids to stand up for themselves...it is so true that if they don't they will always be picked on!
Kyle
I am ALL for standing up for your self but sorry gotta side with Shilo here. Problem is when it comes down to it she won't remember WHAT it is you told her to say only that you told her to be mean back. And then LOGAN is the bully. This little 6 year old girl is obviously a. jealous, b. very insecure, and c. not getting enough love at home. As you know with girls the backbiting never ends so "one liners" really aren't the answer. Have the little girl over for a play date and get down to the bottom of it. Who knows? She could end up being one of Logan's best friends.
Cameron had a "bully" who was in her class, in our neighborhood, and in her primary class (welcome to Utah). We decided to have her over for a play date so "Mama Bear" could observe. She was so timid and shy when she was here, the girls got to know each other better and indeed she is now one of Cameron's closest friends. Good luck!
Hmmmm, I think I agree with you!
Mostly I think your comeback is hilarious. But, I gotta go with Shilo on this one. (although your comeback is no so bad).
You go girl! My parents always told me to be nice and "ingnore" what others said to me.Can you ever really ingnore it? I tried. Did they stop being mean to me because I did? No! the harassing just kept coming. And I became a walking door mat... and it took well into my adult life before I could stand up for myself. I'm all about looking at the reasoning behind why someone is acting out... but Hello. Sometimes kids are just plain mean,and while I would never incourage my children to start a fight they have permission...no my encouragement to end it. I'm behind you 110%!
As a mother of 7 I would say.... It all depends on your child. I give each of my kids different advice. If Logan is continually getting ribbed by this child... She needs to stand up for herself. Obviously this other kids feels comfortable treating Logan this way. Logan needs to let her know she will not stand for it, and will respond. She does not need to be hurtful, but not weak either. Good luck. It gets worse the older they get. JR high and High school is the worst. We have a BEST friend who has made Kilean feel miserable all year.:( After I called the principal, it got better. Kind of. They still can't talk in school.
Oh, I hate mean kids. I really hate them. Especially kids who are mean to my kids. Grrrr... (that's the mama bear).
Momma Bears UNITE!!! I love it.
I think you're on the right track, just a bit more aggressive about it than I would have been. But you're right - nothing wrong with teaching kids to defend themselves.
Oooh, MamaBear here. It was all I could do one day to "remain mature" while I went into the church to find out why one of the teachers put London in time-out. (turns out London did deserve it, but still...)
I think one should teach their children some verbal self-defense and to practice it beforehand as well so they are not caught offgaurd.
And her hair IS gorgeous! :)
I definitely think she should defend herself. But I probably would have suggested that she say, "Trust me, when you're older, you'll be begging for hair like mine." I know because just about everybody I know who has straight hair wants curly (including me!) And vice versa!
I agree with you 100%! You can only turn the other cheek so many times before it starts to do damage on your childs self esteem!
I had a similar situation as Megan... (humm. wonder if they are siblings?) and we tried the whole invite them over and watch them play. The little boy was PERFECT at my house... just when there was not anyone else around (bus, playground,etc)he was mean and quite aggressive with my son. Big bully told my kid one day that if my kid didn't do what big bully wanted, he would punch him in the face. My son thought about it and punched big bully in the face. BOY OH BOY! big bullys mom was ALL over that (never mind I had tried talking with her on several occasions!) I have to say, since then, we have had ZERO incidents with the big bully. Now, I am NOT an advocate of violence, however, I do think sometimes, turning the other cheek, or inviting the bully into the home isn't the answer. Sometimes the only thing a bully wants to know is how far they can push you before you stand up for yourself. I don't want my kids to be doormats.
Great topic!
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