My blogger friend EKB posted a question the other day that got my mind churning. She asked, "What do you do when life doesn't turn out the way you plan?"
It's an important question given its universality. While considering just my immediate friends and family there are: people who wish they were married and are not, did marry only to later divorce, want children and can't bear them, had a child who died, had a child who made poor decisions, had a child with a handicap, lost a spouse, live in a dissatisfying marriage, struggle with depression, face ill health, watch someone they love suffer, grew up with a lousy parent, grew up without a parent, settled for a less than dreamy job so they could be a more involved parent, work their dream job but don't make enough money, make a lot of money but hate their job...okay, okay, you get the idea. And that is just people I know. The list of heartbreaking and challenging circumstances in the world is endless.
The realization that life rarely turns out the way we plan seems to be the baptism into adulthood. The question then becomes: If the vast majority of us are living among the shards of shattered dreams, is it possible to be happy given the debris? I believe the answer is a resounding yes!
First of all, let's get one thing straight. Suffering has important purposes. Among its predominant blessings are greater wisdom, empathy, humility, and character. If we floated through life, unopposed by circumstances, always getting our way, wouldn't we remain childish in our scope of vision and character developement? Yes, and so God in his great wisdom put into motion a world that, by its very nature, would be unfair. Not to torment us, but to be the making of us, depending upon our reactions to the disappoints we endure. That is the tipping point. Often so much of our energy and focus is on the trial--"Why did this have to happen? It isn't fair. Why me?"--when the trial is not the point. Quite frankly, if it wasn't one thing it would be another. No, it is not the trial but our reaction to it that will determine our life satisfaction.
The picture of our life is first determined by the brush we choose to paint it with. Happiness is a choice.
So, my question to you today is: How do YOU choose to be happy despite life's disappointments?
Friday, February 1, 2008
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9 comments:
I can't say that I have had a lot of big disappointments 'yet'- but it amazes me to watch others who have great challenges , embrace life and find happiness.... I don't really know the answer to your question- but I am looking forward to the responses that you receive.
I am by no way an expert on happiness. But I do like to believe and am told that I am a generally happy person. The things that I have found that work best for me are:
1) Learn who you are and then live your life as closely to those values and beliefs as you possibly can.
2) Laugh at yourself. Laugh when you spill the whold gallon of milk on the freshly mopped floor. Laugh when you lock your keys in the car. I could go on and on... but the point is... try to look for the positive and the "funny" in lifes little mishaps and disappointments rather than dwell on the 'crap' that happens.
Thanks, Laurel. I appreciate your insights, as well and knowing I'm not the only one!
I appreciate your post. Life CAN be tough but I truly think the blessings out way the trials. Sometimes (or most of the time) the trials are just easier to see and feel. My husband and I try really hard to realize what we DO have and not dwell on what we don't have. Works for us.
By remembering that the Lord put those challenges there precisely because He loves me. That is a great confidence booster. How can I help but be happy and pleased knowing He has so much confidence in me?
One thing that I've always tried to do when hardship comes my way is to remain excited about what is waiting for me on the other side of the trial. God always blesses us in some way when all is said & done. I've seen my blessings come almost immediately and I've seen the blessings arrive years later. Each time, I look back and say, "Oh! Now I see!" because I always receive something wonderful once I've successfully made my way through.
Hi Laurel...what a thought provoking blog post. I have to say (from your last post) I have never seen Lost...I will have to check it out. Thanks!
Kyle
For me it seems that time helps to soothe the disappointments that have happened in my life. I also think it is really important to be positive when you are right in the thick of things. I was single for awhile before I met my DH (I got married when I was 31) and for a lot of that time I just wished that I was married and was able to stay home with a family. Well now I am doing just that, but sometimes (not very often) I think how much easier life was when I was single. I certainly don’t think that being positive takes away from disappointments, but I really do think it makes the road easier to travel.
I have thought quite a bit about this...I would venture to say for the sake of simplicity-there is two ways one can look at anything-positive or negative. As I try to keep that in mind, it seems to take some of the edge off of the daily trials, at times even creating a sense of happiness. I do have a choice.
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